Anyway, he does ask around, and maybe it's that he's asking covertly ('cause he isn't an idiot) or maybe it's that someone's fucking with him, but the answers he gets actively contradict each other. After five months, what he's got is:

* Coulson is a total douchebag who wouldn't know the business end of a gun if it sat him down to talk about tax returns.
* Coulson is so badass he once took down a rogue agent with a dandelion.
* Coulson has six senses: hearing, smell, sight, taste, touch and bullshit.
* Coulson has never done anything more taxing than paperwork.
* Coulson has no sense of humor whatsoever. (Clint knows this one to be false.)
* Coulson's pan is so dead it's become its own field of archeology. (Way more like it.)
* Coulson's just another senior handler.
* Coulson has no official position within SHIELD, but he's Director Fury's right-hand man.
* Coulson's never been seen wearing anything that wasn't a suit.
* Coulson's a giant Captain America fanboy.

That last one is honestly baffling